When you know you are loved

Ever have that feeling that if you were gone you wouldn't be missed?? I was on vacation a couple of weeks ago & a situation arose that made me actually think about it. I know it sounds stupid, but i was getting taken advantage of by someone very close to me( not Jimmy) & I began to ponder my worth.

I felt the tears run down my face as I questioned myself. I was given up for adoption, my first husband threw me away, & it seems like sometimes when I call people or communicate to people that they have better things to do with their time than spend it with me. Boy does that hurt.

I know we've all been there, but I guess at the time, it just hit me hard.

THEN.... I come back to just another boring stressful day at my job, AND... my desk was covered in Aluminum Foil!!!! I know this sounds crazy, but I thought it was the most awesome display of love & affection I have ever felt. I knew I was part of something special!! These people even thought of me when I was away.. Was it possible that they missed me??

My co-workers are the most adorable people I know. We are family!! I know I can count on them when I need them, & even if they aren't aware of what I am thinking, they still seem to come through for me. I don't know how to thank them enough!!!

So, remember, even if you think that no one cares, there are those that actually do!!!

Meet the Flintstones!!!! Wilmaaaa!!

So, today was the office party. I was Wilma Flintstone & Schatzie was Dino.

We had the best time!! Schatzie won 3rd place!!! She received alot of dog bones.

It felt great to be a part of the group that won !! We even decorated our room with a "cave"

theme. It was a wonderful day!! I'm appreciate all of the hard work & our group's enthusiasm. That made all of the difference!!

Priscilla, I Love You!!

Priscilla Reed Gaines

October 19, 1974-November 13, 2003

Dearest Priscilla,

I feel you everyday. You have never left me. I wish you could contact me, I wish I could hear your voice. There are days that I wish I could bring you back to me. If I had only known what was going on, maybe it wouldn't have ended this way. I am tormented by your departure. It was a selfish act against you. You deserve to be here to raise your children.

Amber has your hair. Brandon looks just like you. I still have the jelly jar that they gave me for Christmas one year. I keep it on my sink and when I do my dishes, I stare at it. I imagine them going out on a cold December afternoon picking it out for you, and the surprise look that would have been on your face as you opened it. But you didn't get to open it. It should have been for you. I am keeping it for you.

I went to their house and visited a while back. Amber's hair, oh Amber's hair. I want to touch it because it just reminds me of your hair.

I gave her a dragonfly necklace a while back. I don't know if she still has it, but I hope that she does. It was gold. I gave it to her for protection & I wanted her to know that I will always be there for her if she needs me.

I will always be there for Brandon too. He is such a bright young man, so full of life. He's not afraid of anything Cill, He loves 4 wheeling and hunting. Remember how sick he was when he was born? I remember you setting there, never leaving his side as he clung to life. I hope that he knows how proud you are of him, I know you are proud of both of them. One day, they will realize that the decision of your leaving them wasn't in your hands. I hope they are told how much you loved them everyday. They were everything to you & you were a wonderful mother. It just isn't fair to them or us. You were taken away. You didn't ask for any of this. I know in my heart that you were the best Wife and Mother that anyone could have asked for. He knew it too. He knew you never intentionally hurt anyone. He knew there was no one else, he just didn't want you to leave him. That was the only way he could keep you from moving on with your life.

Do you ever see me? Do you ever look for me?? I am here. I wish you would let me know. There are so many times that I talk to you. Do you hear me?? I dream that you do. I dream that we go out & have picnics. I long to sleep & dream of the conversations we have. I see your face & I know there are times that I don't always want to let go, but it is just because I miss you so much!!! Penelope, I MISS YOU EVERYDAY!!!

Sunday, October 19, 2008 would have been your 34th Birthday. I wish you were here so we could have celebrated it! He took you so young. Not even 30.

Why did you turn back?? Why???????? Why couldn't you have just sent for your things or had someone go with you? I know you felt you were safe & that he would never have done anything like that to you. But He knew. He knew when he called you what was going to happen. He didn't want to be without you. He knew that was the only way to keep you with him. But you are not with him now. His act was cowardly, selfish, and unfeeling. He lives alone now. His plan didn't work & that gives me some comfort.

If you would have told me what was going on, I would have helped you! Time heals all wounds, and eventually he would have went on with life, just as his cousin after he left me. I don't hate him, but I still find it hard to breathe as my chest fills with sadness and anger at what he did.

What purpose did it serve?? None. He just left everyone else to pick up the pieces. I don't think he thought about anyone but himself. He definately didn't care about the impact left on his family & friends. They still have constant reminders of the both of you around.

I went to our class reunion & lit a candle for you. The other classmates wanted it to be a reminder of all of our passed classmates, but I told them to get their own candles cause that one was for you. I would have never made it through some of the toughest times in my life if not for you, and for that I am eternally greatful.
I have tried to stay in contact with your Mom & Dad, but everytime I called, it just seemed to make your mother sadder. I just stopped calling. I would never want to upset them anymore than they already are. The last time I was there, they had a picture of you on the mantle. Don't worry, It was a good one. Not that you ever took a bad one.
I love you Penelope!! I miss you everyday. I'll keep looking for that "purple star" cause I feel it's your way of letting me know you are ok.

Forever & Always
I Love YOU,
Ang

Cleveland Browns ... Literally!!

Due to changes in my company, I have been forced to take vacation time or lose it. Wow! Big Dilemma!! Ok, so this week I'm basking in the vacation sunshine in Cleveland Ohio. My best friend Hope & her Husband Chris are the best hosts!! Everytime we come up, they take us to the best food places in the world. This time has been no exception. Yesterday, we went to the Cheesecake Factory in Crocker Park. Sorry Aunt Lillie, but the temptation was too great. Who am I to argue?? We got the Carmel Pecan Turtle Cheesecake & it was simply incredible.
That evening was their friend's ( Matt's) birthday!! We went to this converted firehouse. There was a clambake going on, so we indulged.
I am a huge Sex & the City fan, so in honor of the ladies, I persuaded my Hopie to get a Cosmopolitan. Honestly, I don't know how those women drank that all 6 seasons & were still sober enough to be in the show!! J says that they must have been drinking water the whole time.
This drink knocked me for a loop. It must have been pure moonshine with pink food coloring. I recommend anyone with sinus problems to try this. I actually think it burnt my nose hairs completely out!!
After Dinner it was karaoke time!! These Cleveland people love to go to Karaoke and just have a good time. I decided to try different songs, other than my usual ones. It was really nerve racking. I started with Vanessa Williams- Save the best for last, which elevated to Madonna- Hanky Panky & ended the evening with Celine Dion's My heart will go on.
I tried to critique myself, but being a little inebriated, I guess it sounded good.
Poor Jimmy!! He really got lit!! They talked him into drinking Red Bull & Vodka. He was bugging the waitress to death. Then we came back to the house & they forgot to buy beer!! It was hilarious. I never knew how funny he was. He called Diane & left this message on her phone telling her it was an emergency because they had no beer!! Hope & I created this song called " Cute Butt Buckie" dedicated to Chris. ( She's calls him her Buckie)
So today, no one can move. Everyone is recovering in their own way. I think Jimmy has it the worst. He literally has turned Brown!! Hopefully, he will recover for the rest of the vacation.
Here's hoping that all of my readers have a great autumn day!!