Will You Remember Me????

The other day as I was standing in my kitchen, I was making myself a cold cut sandwich with various meats & cheeses, when I remembered how I always used to have cold cut sandwiches everytime that My Aunt Virginia & Uncle Gary came to my Grandparents' house. It was very odd.
I began to wonder, " I wonder what people will remember about me??" I ran out to our new favorite hangout spot, my garage, and asked Jimmy what he thought about it. He just kinda smiled & said " The fact that you're crazy!!!" I guess it's true. I hope that when people think of me, a smile pops to their face.
Oh, Hello again!!! I know it has been forever since I have blogged. There is a new obsession in my life, a little game called Animal Crossing. I have been so addicted to it that I haven't done anything else with my evenings. I'm not even gonna try to bring you up to speed. (You'd never get done reading!!) Anywho.... Let's just say that in my own little world, I own my 3 story house (complete with hot tub) & spend the evening shaking trees, fishing, & catching bugs.
Those of you who have ever played this game will understand. Those of you who don't welll......
DON"T EVER START PLAYING THAT GAME!!!! You will become addicted!!!! Jimmy was coming home complaining about how I wouldn't get off the couch anymore." You never want to do anything but set there & play that thing. I have a notion to throw it in the trash!!" Now you should see him!!! He is doing the same thing & when I say something to him... well he gets all defensive. it's hilarious!!
I was happy to hear that Capn Jive is expecting again!! I can't wait to meet my little cousin!!
I became a great Aunt twice this past week. My new nephew Joshua is still doing ok, and tonight I got to hold my niece Samantha. She is the cutest!!!
I lost one of the dearest people in my life as well. My boss Steve tragically passed away this week when he suffered from a massive heart attack. I can't believe that he is actually gone. He reminded me so much of my Dad, that I felt a huge crack form in my heart when I heard the news. He was one of my best friends. I used to call him almost every night about 8pm just because he used to make me laugh sooo hard that I almost wet myself a couple of times. It really didn't matter how I was feeling, he could brighten up my day with one of his funny stories or songs... (Nobody knows the trouble I've seen!!!) I can remember being half asleep driving back from one of my out of town trips for work & I would call him & the next thing you know.. I had to pull off the road to wipe the tears out of my eyes because I was laughing soo hard!!!
He was obsessed with Rachael Ray!! He always thought his cooking tasted better because he prepared it in her cookware!! I know I have cried buckets, but I have laughed just as much!!
I have to tell you this one story because everytime I think about it.. the tears turn to sunshine across my face.
I was standing outside of the office one day when I noticed this huge dark black blot under his thumbnail. " What in the world happened to you Pappy AD?", I asked shocked & concerned.
Here was the following story...Steve was promoted to a new position with our new company & he had to move to Edinburg Va.
He had been living in a house in Weston during the week & travelled to his home in Hurricane WV every weekend. one can only imagine the stuff that he had to pack up to get ready to move.
He was taking down pictures, packing up clothes & blankets & such, when it came time to clean out his share of the Kitchen!! Anyone who knew Steve knew of his love of cooking. He used to make food for the office all of the time. Anyway, he bought a set of Rachael Ray cookware while he was here. He was always afraid that it was going to "get scratched up" so he devised a plan to protect it. He made a pot rack for the wall out of old cable parts that could no longer be used at the office. This contraption was the funniest thing you had ever seen. He hung it on the wall with those sticky hooks that you see on TV, so as not to leave a mark on the wall if he ever took it down.
On the day of the move, he removed the pots & probably bubble wrapped them ( for all I know) then he took down his homemade contraption & proceeded to remove the hooks. He was talking to my other boss Robert on the phone when he stretched the rubbery tape from the hook down about 2 or 3 inches.
Now in the commercial, they make it look so easy to remove those things, but if you notice, they always keep their hand on the hook to avoid slipping. Well, as he is pulling down on the tape, he's thinking to himself, perhaps I should put my hand on that hook..... wonder what'll happen if that think slingshots down on my.......too late!!! As the hook snapped off the wall, it hit him square on the thumb. He said that he fell to his knees on the floor & had to catch his breath. He was trying not to scream obscenities to Robert, but he couldn't even breath enough to talk over the phone.
Robert kept yelling " Are you Ok Buddy???" But he was in so much pain that he couldn't even answer him.
I know this sounds terrible to laugh at his calamity, but if you had ever heard him tell the story, you would have been rolling on the floor as much as I was.
Anyway he was trying to carry out the boxes to load them into his truck & he kept bumping his thumb on the doorways, singing high tenor with each blow!! He told me that He knew what the expression "stuck out like a sore thumb" actually meant.
He finally got all of the stuff in his truck & then had to stop at Wendy's restaurant to get a cup of ice water in which to submerge his thumb. I could picture him driving down the highway like that. The thought of it even now makes me chuckle.
I talked to his wife tonight & she told me that he still has that bruise. "I guess he always will now!" she said.
He left so many good memories behind for all of those he came in contact with everyday. I hope that I can do the same.
My job has been so stressful this past month. I have tried to provide some comic relief so my co workers will continue to come to work & not give up on that hole. Needless to say, I have been the brunt of many jokes & oneliners. eave it to my good friend Jessi to public humiliate me in front of everyone else, but if it makes someone's day, I guess in the end that's all that matters.
She was taking a call from one of my neighbors this past week & they told her that they lived in Westfield. They said oh, I think one of those girls in your office lives down here. Jessi began to describe me to him & he said he couldn't remember my description, but I was that "Chubby" one who was cute.
She doubled over laughing as she told me the story. Pretending to be mad, I stuffed a handful of Cheerios Chex Mix in my face & said" Where does he get off saying I'm chubby????"
"I'm not chubby!!!" We both began to wipe the tears off our faces as we couldn't stop giggling.
I contemplated egging his house on the way home, but you'll be glad to know that I decided against it. Sticks & stones may break my bones & so will exercise!!! lol lol lol
Time to go now.
Hoped you enjoyed reading!!

You'll shoot your what?????

I had to laugh as I opened up different blogger friend's pages & saw that alot of my friends were doing exactly what I was this year. Watching that oldie, but a goodie, "The Christmas Story". It's funny how many times that thing is on every year, & I still laugh at it!!!

There are so many funny parts. I think the great award ( the leg lamp)that his dad wins is absolutely hilarious, along with the pink bunny suit. I would glance at it sporatically during the day & never once (in all of its 200 presentations) got to watch it all the way through. I told my sister-in-law Falina that," I sure hope that kid finally gets his gun this year!!" She cracked up laughing.

Well, let's talk about Christmas. I had a fabulous one. My husband really spoils me rotten. This year the "big" gift was a projection TV!!!! Heaven, I'm in Heaven...!!! lol lol lol

The most special thing that happened was after he set it up. I put in the "Nativity Story", & the three of us, Schatzie, Jimmy & I watched it together. It was very emotional for me. That right there is the true meaning of Christmas. Baby Jesus.

We all have alot to be thankful for. My heart was breaking as Joseph frantically pounded on doors just to find a place for Mary to deliver. When the King of all Kings was born, it was too much for me to handle. This precious baby, a gift to the world from God, was born in the most humbling of places. That's the way that God intended. He was making a statement. Jesus was going to be a different kind of King. He was looking for true believers. Believers who weren't interested in things of this world, like fancy things, because Jesus wasn't interested in these material objects. He was interested in saving souls.

I kept thinking. Here I am in this perfect house, with the perfect family, & that poor baby had to be born in a stable. Oh how I'm going to remind myself of that everytime life gets me down. I'm going to remind myself how fortunate I am to have a meal on my table, shoes on my feet & a nice warm home to come to after a long day of work.

It was also very nice to be able to visit with family & friends. I was glad to see the ones that I don't normally get to see. My how the little ones have grown. I was flashing pics the whole time telling everyone to "Say Cheesy!!!" It was a little annoying, but they sure smiled & I got alot of great shots!!!

Christmas ended with a bang as well. We had our Christmas with my parents at the end of the day this year. It was a great change & we all enjoyed it. I GOT MY DIGITAL PICTURE FRAME!!!!! Oh, how I wanted one!!! My sister made sure it was the last present I opened. I kept singing ( like Alvin & the Chipmunks) " I just want my picture frame" all day long. She finally let me have it!!!

Jimmy was very happy as well this year. He finally got his ring. He was so happy that I just had to share this pic with you. He knew what it was before he even opened it.

My family had a great day. I hope that yours did too. Merry Christmas to all!!!!!

Things on My Mind

This blog isn't going to be the usual cheerful uplifting " positive Ang" entry. I think I'm going to write about things that bother me. We'll see where it goes from there.

1. MY TRUE FEAR OF OPINIONS. I'm so tired of trying not to have an opinion because there are two sides to every story. Unless I know all of the facts about a story, I get afraid of hurting someone's feelings by conveying my true thoughts. Now, those of you who know me know that I am never at a loss for words & are having a hard time believeing me right now, but it's true. I also think that I don't express myself very well because I'm afraid of being wrong. But you know what? Why should I be afraid of being wrong? If it's truly what I think & feel, then what does it matter if I come off ignorant or stupid about something? ( yes there is a difference. Ignorance is being uneducated. Stupid is well, just plain dumb). Sometimes there aren't two sides to every story, but I choose not to say what I think because of the fear of upsetting someone close to me. Now that's just dumb too, because if they are really close to you then you should be able to communicate every thought to them & while they don't always agree, they should respect it. But how can you expect them to accept it when you know that if they have a differing view, it would be hard for you to accept it. I'm just rambling on now huh?? lol
I just want you to know that there is not a specific reason that I'm bolstered to write about this. Nothing out of the ordinary in my life has happened, it's just something I'm thinking about this evening.
2. CHANGING FOR THE WORST. How can people that you have been around your whole life change so drastically?? Not for the better, but for the worst. You want to have an opinion about them, yet you are compelled to "keep the peace" so you say nothing. Then when you finally confide to someone else close to you about it, it feels like you can breathe again. Your chest becomes lighter because you have unloaded your true feelings to someone who understands & feels the same way you do, but is afraid to also admit it.
I so want to give a few examples of this, but can I?? Sure I can this is my blog. I can write whatever I feel. Do I choose to?? I know I want to, BUT.....
3. USERS. I hate & abominate users. There is someone in my life who is a user right now, actually there are a few I could name, that were not brought up that way, or have taught others not to be that way, but they are. It absolutely revolts me. There are favors that you can do for someone, & then there's being used for someone's selfish gain. It's truly pathetic.
4. CLOSETS. Everyone has them. It's that action or thought that creates skeletons in these closets that really pisses me off. My whole life has revolved around a closet. If people were honest with themselves & others then, regardless of the outcome, they would just be honest & let it out in the open. You are not perfect. You are going to make mistakes. Probably really good ones. But if you lie about it, or are not completely open, how can you truly feel free within yourself or the world?? I hate finding out something that was in a closet & being mislead to believe that it never really was that way from the get go. One of the first things that I say when people ask me a question about myself is, " Go ahead. My life is an open book." Then they ask something personal about me & when I tell them, they are disappointed. I can't help but feel good about it because I never lied!! Yes I really made a few good mistakes!!! Oh Boy have I really screwed up sometimes, but rather than lie about it, I just say it in hopes that it will help them from making a big mistake in their life.

OK, ENOUGH ALREADY!! I'm so over this now. The next blog will try to be uplifting again.

Oh Christmas Tea!!! Oh Christmas Tea!!!

It's that time of year again. Although we have changed companies this year at work,it never stops, ( we are now Shentel Cable), I find myself embracing the Christmas holiday with a special vigor. I already have all the shopping done, stockings stuffed, & presents wrapped. ( I know you're saying Bah Humbug to that!! I can't help that I'm not a procrastinator!!!) By completing all of these tasks early, it helps to enjoy the holidays more. I can actually set back with a warm cup of tea in the evening, turn down the lights, turn on the gas fireplace, set on the couch & enjoy my Christmas tree. Oh how I love to look at that tree. It makes me all toasty inside. I turn on my Christmas music on the TV & I can set there for hours!!! It's truly relaxing & invigorating.

HOWEVER, With the Christmas tree decorated inside, my husband was not happy with the outside!! He decided to reinvent himself into his alter ego, Clark W Griswold II!!!!! We went to dinner & then went to super Walmart in Buckhannon to look at lights. He went hog wild!!! We bought 8 boxes of lights to go around the house. After we started hanging them, we found out we were a little bit short, so Clark sent me back to Buckhannon to get 5 more boxes. I didn't know whether to be excited or exhausted. While I was driving there, he calls to tell me that our flood lights to illuminate the sign had went out & could I please get some bulbs to replace them.

I told him I would get the lights & asked him if he wasn't busy to please put a pot of tea on for me so I could drink it after being out in the cold to get warmed up. He said he was very busy. I asked him what he was doing & he said he was in the house.

What could he possibly be doing?? I did the shopping, I was running to Walmart once again in the cold wintry weather, I was working on the laundry, the house was already picked up before I left. I just couldn't put my finger on what it was that had him so preoccupied. (Maybe, I began to think, he was busy wrapping presents for me!! ( big smile) )

"I'm watching Pitt play Connecticut!!!

HONESTLY!!!!! Here I am out breaking my neck for this fine family Christmas & he can't even put on a pot of tea!!! lol lol lol

I informed him that if I didn't see steam rising out of my kitchen when I got home that he was going to have to check under the tree for missing presents for him because I was going to remove some!!!!!! lol lol lol

Needless to say, I had tea!!

We decided to go to a Christmas Memorial service at the Forest Lawn Memorial Garden this evening. I was a little hesitant to go, but felt that it was important to participate. This is the first Christmas without J's stepmom & his dad really needs our support to make it through the holiday. It's always very hard for me to go there because my mom, cousin, aunt, grandparents & ex-mother in law are buried there. I can feel the tears begin to swell & my face getting hot everytime we turn up in the driveway. There are so many wonderful memories that we have shared & I can see them appear in my mind like a slideshow. Each grave had a luminary & we had to keep lighting them because the wind & snow kept putting them out. I cried as I lit my mom's & Dinah's candle. I sang "Away in the Manger" for my grandma, as it was the last song I sang to her before she passed. The experience was very emotional, memorable & the self gratification was amazing. I wasn't even cold!! It warmed my heart to think that I was able to celebrate their lives. You know they aren't even worried about the holidays, because they are in a place where they celebrate everyday. I would like to think that they at least got to look down & see me. I miss them so much!!!!!

All in all, It was a great day. I hope that everyone reading this blog enjoys their holidays & I wish you all much peace & joy!!!!!!!

Capt., I'm getting excited to see you soon!!!!!!

When you know you are loved

Ever have that feeling that if you were gone you wouldn't be missed?? I was on vacation a couple of weeks ago & a situation arose that made me actually think about it. I know it sounds stupid, but i was getting taken advantage of by someone very close to me( not Jimmy) & I began to ponder my worth.

I felt the tears run down my face as I questioned myself. I was given up for adoption, my first husband threw me away, & it seems like sometimes when I call people or communicate to people that they have better things to do with their time than spend it with me. Boy does that hurt.

I know we've all been there, but I guess at the time, it just hit me hard.

THEN.... I come back to just another boring stressful day at my job, AND... my desk was covered in Aluminum Foil!!!! I know this sounds crazy, but I thought it was the most awesome display of love & affection I have ever felt. I knew I was part of something special!! These people even thought of me when I was away.. Was it possible that they missed me??

My co-workers are the most adorable people I know. We are family!! I know I can count on them when I need them, & even if they aren't aware of what I am thinking, they still seem to come through for me. I don't know how to thank them enough!!!

So, remember, even if you think that no one cares, there are those that actually do!!!

Meet the Flintstones!!!! Wilmaaaa!!

So, today was the office party. I was Wilma Flintstone & Schatzie was Dino.

We had the best time!! Schatzie won 3rd place!!! She received alot of dog bones.

It felt great to be a part of the group that won !! We even decorated our room with a "cave"

theme. It was a wonderful day!! I'm appreciate all of the hard work & our group's enthusiasm. That made all of the difference!!

Priscilla, I Love You!!

Priscilla Reed Gaines

October 19, 1974-November 13, 2003

Dearest Priscilla,

I feel you everyday. You have never left me. I wish you could contact me, I wish I could hear your voice. There are days that I wish I could bring you back to me. If I had only known what was going on, maybe it wouldn't have ended this way. I am tormented by your departure. It was a selfish act against you. You deserve to be here to raise your children.

Amber has your hair. Brandon looks just like you. I still have the jelly jar that they gave me for Christmas one year. I keep it on my sink and when I do my dishes, I stare at it. I imagine them going out on a cold December afternoon picking it out for you, and the surprise look that would have been on your face as you opened it. But you didn't get to open it. It should have been for you. I am keeping it for you.

I went to their house and visited a while back. Amber's hair, oh Amber's hair. I want to touch it because it just reminds me of your hair.

I gave her a dragonfly necklace a while back. I don't know if she still has it, but I hope that she does. It was gold. I gave it to her for protection & I wanted her to know that I will always be there for her if she needs me.

I will always be there for Brandon too. He is such a bright young man, so full of life. He's not afraid of anything Cill, He loves 4 wheeling and hunting. Remember how sick he was when he was born? I remember you setting there, never leaving his side as he clung to life. I hope that he knows how proud you are of him, I know you are proud of both of them. One day, they will realize that the decision of your leaving them wasn't in your hands. I hope they are told how much you loved them everyday. They were everything to you & you were a wonderful mother. It just isn't fair to them or us. You were taken away. You didn't ask for any of this. I know in my heart that you were the best Wife and Mother that anyone could have asked for. He knew it too. He knew you never intentionally hurt anyone. He knew there was no one else, he just didn't want you to leave him. That was the only way he could keep you from moving on with your life.

Do you ever see me? Do you ever look for me?? I am here. I wish you would let me know. There are so many times that I talk to you. Do you hear me?? I dream that you do. I dream that we go out & have picnics. I long to sleep & dream of the conversations we have. I see your face & I know there are times that I don't always want to let go, but it is just because I miss you so much!!! Penelope, I MISS YOU EVERYDAY!!!

Sunday, October 19, 2008 would have been your 34th Birthday. I wish you were here so we could have celebrated it! He took you so young. Not even 30.

Why did you turn back?? Why???????? Why couldn't you have just sent for your things or had someone go with you? I know you felt you were safe & that he would never have done anything like that to you. But He knew. He knew when he called you what was going to happen. He didn't want to be without you. He knew that was the only way to keep you with him. But you are not with him now. His act was cowardly, selfish, and unfeeling. He lives alone now. His plan didn't work & that gives me some comfort.

If you would have told me what was going on, I would have helped you! Time heals all wounds, and eventually he would have went on with life, just as his cousin after he left me. I don't hate him, but I still find it hard to breathe as my chest fills with sadness and anger at what he did.

What purpose did it serve?? None. He just left everyone else to pick up the pieces. I don't think he thought about anyone but himself. He definately didn't care about the impact left on his family & friends. They still have constant reminders of the both of you around.

I went to our class reunion & lit a candle for you. The other classmates wanted it to be a reminder of all of our passed classmates, but I told them to get their own candles cause that one was for you. I would have never made it through some of the toughest times in my life if not for you, and for that I am eternally greatful.
I have tried to stay in contact with your Mom & Dad, but everytime I called, it just seemed to make your mother sadder. I just stopped calling. I would never want to upset them anymore than they already are. The last time I was there, they had a picture of you on the mantle. Don't worry, It was a good one. Not that you ever took a bad one.
I love you Penelope!! I miss you everyday. I'll keep looking for that "purple star" cause I feel it's your way of letting me know you are ok.

Forever & Always
I Love YOU,
Ang