Things on My Mind

This blog isn't going to be the usual cheerful uplifting " positive Ang" entry. I think I'm going to write about things that bother me. We'll see where it goes from there.

1. MY TRUE FEAR OF OPINIONS. I'm so tired of trying not to have an opinion because there are two sides to every story. Unless I know all of the facts about a story, I get afraid of hurting someone's feelings by conveying my true thoughts. Now, those of you who know me know that I am never at a loss for words & are having a hard time believeing me right now, but it's true. I also think that I don't express myself very well because I'm afraid of being wrong. But you know what? Why should I be afraid of being wrong? If it's truly what I think & feel, then what does it matter if I come off ignorant or stupid about something? ( yes there is a difference. Ignorance is being uneducated. Stupid is well, just plain dumb). Sometimes there aren't two sides to every story, but I choose not to say what I think because of the fear of upsetting someone close to me. Now that's just dumb too, because if they are really close to you then you should be able to communicate every thought to them & while they don't always agree, they should respect it. But how can you expect them to accept it when you know that if they have a differing view, it would be hard for you to accept it. I'm just rambling on now huh?? lol
I just want you to know that there is not a specific reason that I'm bolstered to write about this. Nothing out of the ordinary in my life has happened, it's just something I'm thinking about this evening.
2. CHANGING FOR THE WORST. How can people that you have been around your whole life change so drastically?? Not for the better, but for the worst. You want to have an opinion about them, yet you are compelled to "keep the peace" so you say nothing. Then when you finally confide to someone else close to you about it, it feels like you can breathe again. Your chest becomes lighter because you have unloaded your true feelings to someone who understands & feels the same way you do, but is afraid to also admit it.
I so want to give a few examples of this, but can I?? Sure I can this is my blog. I can write whatever I feel. Do I choose to?? I know I want to, BUT.....
3. USERS. I hate & abominate users. There is someone in my life who is a user right now, actually there are a few I could name, that were not brought up that way, or have taught others not to be that way, but they are. It absolutely revolts me. There are favors that you can do for someone, & then there's being used for someone's selfish gain. It's truly pathetic.
4. CLOSETS. Everyone has them. It's that action or thought that creates skeletons in these closets that really pisses me off. My whole life has revolved around a closet. If people were honest with themselves & others then, regardless of the outcome, they would just be honest & let it out in the open. You are not perfect. You are going to make mistakes. Probably really good ones. But if you lie about it, or are not completely open, how can you truly feel free within yourself or the world?? I hate finding out something that was in a closet & being mislead to believe that it never really was that way from the get go. One of the first things that I say when people ask me a question about myself is, " Go ahead. My life is an open book." Then they ask something personal about me & when I tell them, they are disappointed. I can't help but feel good about it because I never lied!! Yes I really made a few good mistakes!!! Oh Boy have I really screwed up sometimes, but rather than lie about it, I just say it in hopes that it will help them from making a big mistake in their life.

OK, ENOUGH ALREADY!! I'm so over this now. The next blog will try to be uplifting again.